Ethereum scaling is for everyone. It is for Layer 2s with EOA upgraders, unavailable data, backdoored proof systems, built-in censorship, straight-to-treasury bridges, ruggable gas tokens and 'proof systems'. I will honour the worst offenders against the unwritten values of Ethereum Alignment (tm). This practical context will allow us to find out what these unwritten values might be and each gilded raspberry shall be given with honest technical feedback on how to improve. Another nice takeaway is hopefully an abstracted technical intuition of the state of Ethereum scaling.